Up.

18 Feb

It’s mid-February, in a new year. Four months to mid-June. Mid-June 2011: a year since I took a patented nutty step in my life to achieve an old dream. At halfway mark, I have to look around me and wonder if I am close to completing it. Till a few days ago, I told myself no.

I have passed what most people term the important milestones of early life. I have held down a job or two, won a couple of awards for my work, I have been wrung through a very committed relationship, lost people close to me and gained friends in unexpected quarters. At 28, time rolls by with a finality. There. It’s gone. A few seconds have slipped by in my trying to find the appropriate word to pen. I’m not getting those few seconds back. Nor am I getting the seconds that passed away after them. I’m not 12 anymore, dying to be 13 so I can call myself a teenager and feel … uhmm, ‘cool’. I’m not 16 either, where I’m counting the months till I turn 18 and become a qualified adult and … again become ‘cool’. I’m not in college nor at my first job and I’m certainly no spring chicken when it comes to love.

I’m 28, and I’ve realised succeeding at a profession is more about handling people right instead of talent. No matter how much in love you are, there are certain things that you absolutely won’t tolerate and certain things in you that absolutely won’t be tolerated. Friends are friends until you whine too much, and yes, they decide when it’s ‘too much’. What’s worse, at 28, I believed utterly and completely that I’m no more closer to my cherished goal than I was six months ago. What, I’ve been at it for six months and it’s still not done? went my head.

And then the clouds parted. Without warning. The light fell on me with such alacrity that at first, I could not believe I had stopped shivering. The problems that weighed me down the most, at some deep indefinable dark place of me, suddenly resolved themselves. I didn’t even realise that they were resolving themselves. Or perhaps I just have been labouring under them for that long. That I feel noticeably lighter now. I know I am lighter now.

I’m the petal of a chrysanthemum.

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5 Responses to “Up.”

  1. Dhruvi Shah 20 AprilUTCbFri, 08 Apr 2011 20:36:12 +0000000000pmFri, 08 Apr 2011 20:36:12 +000011 2011 at 8:36 pm #

    Surfed through your blog. Read all of this post. Felt like I related to so much! It’s just amazing, isn’t it? You may know somebody but you always discover another side to them when you read their writing. Blog away. Something good always comes of it!

  2. a traveller 20 MarchUTCbSun, 27 Mar 2011 00:15:32 +0000000000amSun, 27 Mar 2011 00:15:32 +000011 2011 at 12:15 am #

    Love this line most of all: “succeeding at a profession is more about handling people right instead of talent”

    Lovely blog, hope you keep at it! 🙂

    • Bee 20 MarchUTCbSun, 27 Mar 2011 15:34:50 +0000000000pmSun, 27 Mar 2011 15:34:50 +000011 2011 at 3:34 pm #

      😀 right back at ya!

  3. rohinigupta 20 FebruaryUTCbSun, 20 Feb 2011 19:33:07 +0000000000pmSun, 20 Feb 2011 19:33:07 +000011 2011 at 7:33 pm #

    Very nice, petal of the chrysanthemum !
    glad you have started a blog – excellent for writers.

    • Bee 20 MarchUTCbSun, 27 Mar 2011 15:34:11 +0000000000pmSun, 27 Mar 2011 15:34:11 +000011 2011 at 3:34 pm #

      Thanks!

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Japleen Pasricha

Feminist. Activist. Founder of Feminism In India.com. Writer. Educator. Traveler. Not particularly in that order.

jerry-mahoney.com

Author, ranter, dad

All Quiet On The Wench Front

Herstory at its fucking finest.

Ashish Shakya

Writer. Stand-up comic. General idiot for hire.

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